What's in a name?

scout1222's post here reminded me of a story:

Shortly after I accepted a job with my current employer, but before I had actually reported to work, I was invited to the Christmas party for my office. This was a little weird since I hadn't met anyone in any context beyond the small fraction of folks who had interviewed me, but anyway.

My wife and I happened to be sitting with one of the Team Leaders (not my direct boss, but on the same plane) and his wife. Somehow in discussion it came up that her last name was Barr. "And apparently my father really wanted to name me 'Candy'!"

And then I said, "Wow, with a name like that you'd practically be legally required to be a striptease artist!"

And then my brain realized what my mouth had done.

And time slowed to a crawl.

And my vision shrank to a small, bright point.

And then someone changed the subject and the conversation veered away from the site of my (apparently narrowly missed) destruction.



Thankfully, that kind of thing doesn't happen to me very often. Two, three times a week, TOPS.

Number 274,951 on the list of things I do not understand

Every year we get the phonebook. I think it's pretty outmoded technology but it has its occasional uses and I'm sure lots of folks would feel lost without theirs.

Every year or so, somewhat at random, we also get "The Easier to Read Alternative" which is just a privately produced phone book with a different ad layout and an incomplete private listing. There are a couple of bells and whistles (stadium layouts in Toronto and Ottawa, a local transit map...) but really, what's the fucking point? How are these people making any money? (Well, I KNOW how...more to the point, why is anyone paying these clowns for ad space?)

I was ready to turf the whole thing, uncracked, into the recycle, and noticed there was a CD envelope glued to the inside front page. The splash panel says "Install the Interactive Telephone Directory and experience Live Ads, see TV commercials and Hear Radio Ads on your Home Computer!!"

Yeah. Right after I pour muriatic acid on my testicles. How hopped up on illegal substances would anyone have to be for this to sound like a good idea?